Ghost Shark

Ghost Shark
Biographical information
Homeworld	Earth
Birth	Unknown
Died
Family	Bruce the Shark, Ghost of Shamu
Occupation(s)	next runaway B-movie monster star on Sci-Fi Channel
Alias	n/a
Physical description
Species	spirit of a Great White
Gender	It's dead, Jim.
Hair color	none
Eye color	none
Height
Statistics
Weapon(s)	Om-nom-nom out of nowhere.
Abilities	Om-nom-nom out of nowhere.
Affiliation	Sci-Fi Channel, Animal Planet (Shark Week)
First Appearance

Ghost Shark is the disgruntled spirit of every shark that has ever suffered and died because of incredibly bad shark-based B movies. “No animals were harmed in the making of this film” my ass; MANY sharks have perished from pure embarrassment and crappy CGI effects that make early 1990’s computer animation look spectacular by comparison. Now vengeance comes in the form of Ghost Shark. First Suburban Senshi. Later...Sci-Fi Channel!

The author of this entry flat out refuses to use the term “SyFy.”

Character and Personality

As an aquatic specter, Ghost Shark really doesn’t have much of a personality. Or much else, for that matter. A seance will only detect a tremendous amount of annoyance, nagging hunger, and bewilderment over the fact that its stomach always remains empty even after if it ate Chunk from “The Goonies.”

Power and Abilities

Ghost Shark has the ability to materialize pretty much out of nowhere whenever a victim within the area it haunts gets wet. This can be anything from diving into a pool (in which Ghost Shark can appear so that the diver gets swallowed whole upon splashdown) to running through a Slip N' Slide (in which case the runner goes right down its throat) to getting a shower or even getting splashed while using the bathroom. Even a glass of water spilled in someone's lap is enough.

Anyone Ghost Shark attacks is swallowed in one bite faster than Cookie Monster inhaling a package of Chips Ahoy. Ghost Shark doesn’t have the intelligence to recognize that everyone it eats is promptly “crapped out” the moment it vanishes, alive and unharmed.

“Unharmed” might be a bit of a stretch. The victim will always emerge completely saturated in several gallons of mucous-like ectoplasm that reeks of brine, seaweed, and day-old dead fish. The physical effects of being power-lunched by Ghost Shark are very few. The mental scars, on the other hand, might take longer.

Ghost Shark is also able to defy reality and nature by being able to move around on its front fins, can swim in fresh and salt water without difficulty, endure any water pressure, contort its body in ways that are physically impossible, and manifest in such a way that it's capable of limited flight. If it's been featured in a cheesy B-movie on Sci-Fi Channel, Ghost Shark can do it. It cannot, however, actually kill anyone nor can it attack the same person twice in a 24-hour period. Except for Haruhi Suzumiya's friends in the SOS Brigade who can be attacked multiple times in a single hour: Mikuru Asahina was apparently power-lunched several times during the filming of "Miracle Mikuru" (much to the insane delight of Tsuruya).

"We're going to need a bigger fat kid."

—Morrigan