Adventurer/Hero for Hire/Mercenary
Ryan, Captain Ryan
- "I like quotes."
Ryan was a mysterious man from another universe. Not much was known about him (or even if that was truly his name) and that's the way he preferred it. Having arrived in this universe sometime ago, Ryan made a name for himself as a wandering troubleshooter and freelance agent for various governments. He had a lot of similarities with a famous hero but that's completely unintentional. Or was it?
You can read his ongoing adventures in The
Brave Awesome and the Bold, Action Awesome Comics, All-Star Ryan and Someone Who Isn't As Awesome As Ryan Wonder, Amazing Spider-Man Ryan (now three times a month!), Giant-Size Ryan (and we're not talking about his penis either!), Ultimate Ryan, Marvel Adventures Ryan, and Everyone's Gay for Ryan.
Basically Ryan's like the Wolverine of the Suburban Senshi Universe. Not counting the actual Wolverine that's running around. Hell, there's even a number of alternate versions of him running around.
To sum up this entry, it might be best to take most of this with a grain of salt. Maybe the vast majority was written for giggles and to waste some time. Insert some dramatic music here.
- 1 Biography
- 1.1 Prelude
- 1.2 Possibility 1: Days of Future Past
- 1.3 Possibility 2: Ultimate Mutant X
- 1.4 Possibility 3: Trust a few. Fear the rest. Watch Ryan steal the spotlight.
- 1.5 Possibility Hilarity: Liberality For All
- 1.6 Possibility Never Going To Happen: I Am (Not) Shinji
- 1.7 The Real Story
- 1.8 Living in Suburbia
- 2 Personality and traits
- 3 Powers and abilities
- 4 Weapons and equipment
- 5 Trivia
- 6 Behind the scenes
- "I don't have much to say about my past. It's the past. Move on."
If one was to ask Ryan his past, there was a good possibility that a glib or sarcastic answer would be returned. He had confessed to having been a lumberjack at one point in his life but the veracity of the comment was in question.
The only real pieces of information that Ryan gave was that he originated from an universe that had no Time Lords or Sailor Senshi in it. He eventually found himself flung out of his home universe and into the wide Omniverse due to a mysterious event. Between then and until his arrival in this current universe, Ryan held a variety of jobs including a plumber.
Mostly Ryan's operated as a 'fixer' for various multidimensional groups. Getting inserted in various universes to help fix a derailed situation. There were a few possible origins for Ryan, based on various stories gathered from a variety of sources. They have been reprinted below.
Here's a hint: None of them are true.
Possibility 1: Days of Future Past
- "I'm the best at what I do, and what I do is being a pale imitation of another man."
|Kentucky Fried Mutant.|
Ryan originated from an Earth that appeared to have diverged from other ones with the reinstatement of the Mutant Registration Act. This time, a process had been found which could suppress mutant abilities. Extremist felt that this would eliminate the perceived mutant threat once and for all. As before, mutants resisted. While the X-Men were the first heroes to publicly oppose the act, the Avengers and Fantastic Four soon joined them. Eventually nearly every super hero on the planet united in opposition to the government. The conflict culminated with a final battle in front of the Baxter Building. The super-beings lost, and those that weren't killed were either imprisoned or went into hiding. Thus ended the Age of Heroes.
There were some, though, that were not willing to go quietly into the night and instead created a resistance. During the process of building this rebellion, they knew that they would need a symbol to rally around; in the process of brainstorming, they hit upon the idea of creating a team of meta-humans that would disguise themselves as established superheroes to replace ones that died during the final battle. Including in this group was Ryan, selected because of his similarity to the dead mutant known as Wolverine. Taking up the name of the Avengers, this new team started off with a bright future... only to have it end horribly when his entire team, save himself, was slaughtered in a huge fight. Having survived the destruction of his team, Ryan went on to operate as a mercenary only to find himself flung into the Omniverse when a mission went FUBAR.
Possibility 2: Ultimate Mutant X
|I don't sparkle, bitch.|
- "Crawling in my skin, these wounds will not heal! Oh wait. Never mind. They do!"
- —Ryan, mocking a stupid band
This is an Earth where mutants are not the next step in evolution, but the result of a deep governmental experiment. It's an Earth where, due to the terrorist actions of Magneto, the law states that if you are a mutant, you are required to turn yourself in to the Federal Government or you will be shot on sight. As for the heroes of this setting? Wolverine is dead and the X-Men are gone. Captain America is a fugitive. The Fantastic Four disbanded. The Ultimates are barely operational. From this situation arises Ryan, a young mutant trying to survive in the harsh and unforgiving world. After graduating, he wandered the United States, like Caine from Kung-Fu or Bruce Banner from the first live-action adaptation of The Incredible Hulk. During this time he always kept one step ahead of mutant hunters and surprise prison buttsex.
Ryan may or may not have been involved in a massacre of vampires and werewolves in the area surrounding Forks, Washington. Of course, no one would blame him for doing so. You don't fuck vampires or werewolves, you fucking kill them. Besides, he's totally cooler than Edward Cullen and he doesn't sparkle! He also couldn't keep his dirty dick in his pants and therefore not only fucked a stupid vapid brunette there but also a few female vampires, too. Dammit, Ryan, haven't you learned your lesson yet?
After a string of surprise pregnancies where he found himself in the trigger sights of a number of angry fathers and father figures, Ryan found himself himself recruited into the All-New, All-Different Ultimate X-Men only to eventually be blown out of his universe. God, that's just a repeating theme, isn't it? If you think I'm unoriginal now, you haven't seen me begun!
Possibility 3: Trust a few. Fear the rest. Watch Ryan steal the spotlight.
|Bath time is serious fucking business.|
- "You know, sometimes when you try to cage the beast, the beast gets angry."
- —Ryan, trying to sound deep
- "...What the hell are you talking about?"
- —Professor Xavier, in response
On another Earth where mutants are yet again fear and hated comes Ryan. He's the best at what he does and what he does is being a egotistical son of a bitch that thinks the world revolves around him. He has a habit of trying to steal other men's girlfriends or trying to hit on them shortly after the boyfriend dies. He's a jerk but he does have a heart of gold. The problem is that to get to that warm, creamy heart, you have to go through the chocolaty jerk exterior.
For a while Ryan served in the military until Colonel William Stryker recruited him to join a special team made up of mutants. During a mission in Africa, Ryan left the team after realizing how willing the other members were to kill innocent people to achieve their goals. Moving on to become a lumberjack, he lived the quiet life until he was lured out of retirement after one of his former teammates went rogue and started to target his fellow soldiers. Returning to Stryker, he had Adamantium bonded to his skeleton to give him the strength to kill his former friend. This was eventually revealed to be one elaborate set-up to gain Ryan's DNA to use in another experiment. After destroying Styker's plans and gaining his revenge, he traveled the world until being recruited by Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr to join their mutant team. Eventually in a confrontation with the Dark Phoenix, Ryan was seemingly killed but in reality found himself in The Bleed and from there has been traveling to parallel Earths to find himself a way back home.
Possibility Hilarity: Liberality For All
- "It's Crunch Time!"
- —Cyborg Sean Hannity, I shit you not
It is 2021, tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of 9/11. America is under oppression by ultra-liberal extremists who have surrendered governing authority to the United Nations. Hate speech legislation called the “Coulter Laws” have forced vocal conservatives underground. A group of bio-mechanically enhanced conservatives led by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy, Oliver North, and a young man named Ryan, set out to thwart Ambassador Usama bin Laden's plans to nuke New York City.
He's also a mutant and he gets blown out of his universe by that fucking Usama. I just had to reference this train wreck of a conservative comic for hilarity. C'mon. Cyborg Sean Hannity! That just sells itself!
Possibility Never Going To Happen: I Am (Not) Shinji
- "Surprise, fuckers"
He could secretly be Shinji under disguise or in a new body. This could also be a joke.
The Real Story
- "But where do I come from?!"
- —Ryan, asking once again that eternal question.
- "No one gives a hot shit! Get a journal, Ryan!"
- —Professor Xavier, in response
The truth is: Ryan doesn't have a 'origin' story to explore. There's no point in doing so. This less of an attempt at being lazy and more making a creative point. It's not bad to have a character with a mysterious background. The only bad thing is when their mysterious past becomes a narrative crutch and your character becomes rather one-note. Or in other words, Marvel's Wolverine for a large portion of his existence. On the other hand, if you do decide to fill in someone's past, you have to be careful in doing so. There has to be justification in doing so, a narrative reason. Otherwise you get train-wrecks like Marvel's Origin for Wolverine or other pointless prequels. All you need to know about Ryan's past is in the Prelude section and for some reason he has powers and abilities similar to the mutant Wolverine. The End.
Living in Suburbia
- "I told you I liked quotes."
Having arrived in this universe sometime ago, Ryan has gone on to make a name for himself as a wandering hero. For some reason, he had some strange familiarity with the events and people around The House. In 2007, Ryan lead a small force to storm the North Pole and assassinate Santa Claus. After a brief reign as a temporary Santa, Ryan helped install Santa Claus 2.0. as his replacement.
At the beginning of 2011, Ryan vanished for over two months. The cause of this incident innocently had its roots in a night out with a casual acquaintance. Due to unforeseen events, this snowballed into two months of partying with the infamous Charlie Sheen. The party finally ended when a fight broke out between the two that resulted in the loss of Ryan's right eye that, for unknown reasons, took a while to heal. Eventually Ryan called the fight a draw and retreated. In late 2012, Ryan mysteriously vanished before he was supposed to do a job. His current whereabouts are unknown.
Personality and traits
Ryan was what you'd call a laid-back sort of guy who had a habit of being sardonic. He also had a tendency of keeping his cards close to his chest and rarely volunteered personal details until he felt the need. When confronted with a volatile situation, he was more than willing to talk things out first but when there was no choice, he'd get into a scrap to solve matters.
Powers and abilities
Ryan appeared to be a 'mutant' who possessed the ability to regenerate damaged or destroyed areas of his cellular structure at a rate far greater than that of an ordinary human. The speed at which this healing factor works varied in direct proportion with the severity of the damage Ryan suffered. For example, he could fully recover from an ordinary gunshot wound in a non-vital area of his body within minutes, but it took him almost two months to fully recover from injuries sustained in a duel, which included one from a sword that went all the way through his trunk.
Ryan’s natural healing also afforded him virtual immunity to poisons and most drugs, as well as an enhanced resistance to diseases. For example, it was nearly impossible for him to become intoxicated from drinking alcohol. He also had a limited immunity to the fatigue poisons generated by bodily activity, and hence he had greater endurance than an ordinary human. His agility and reflexes were similarly enhanced.
In addition, Ryan’s healing factor provided him with an extended lifespan by slowing the effects of the aging process. Although over a century old, Ryan was as healthy and physically fit as a man in his prime.
Ryan also possessed superhumanly acute senses, making him capable of seeing things at a maximum distance greater than a normal human’s. His hearing was enhanced in a similar manner, and he was able to recognize people and objects by scent, even if that person or object was hidden. Ryan could use these enhanced senses to track any creature with an impressive degree of success.
Ryan’s skeleton included six retractable nine-inch long bone claws, three in each arm, that were housed beneath the skin and muscle of his forearms. Ryan can, at will, release these slightly curved claws through his skin beneath the knuckles on each hand. The skin between the knuckles tears and bleeds, but the blood loss is quickly halted by his healing factor. Ryan can unsheathe any number of his claws at once, although he must keep his wrists straight at the moment his claws shoot from his forearms into his hands. When unsheathed, the claws were fully within his hands, and thus Ryan could still bend his wrists. The claws are naturally sharp and tougher than that of normal human bone structure, allowing Ryan to cut through most types of flesh and natural materials.
Despite the extent of his healing factor, Ryan was not immortal. If the injuries were extensive enough, especially if they resulted in the loss of vital organs, large amounts of blood, and/or loss of physical form, such as having flesh burned away by fire or acid, Ryan could die.
Ryan had his skeleton bonded with adamantium at least twice in his life, the first time done by a government organization which was later removed by a version of Magneto and second by Raihosha which Ryan lost due to a random wish from a set of Dragon Balls.
Ryan was a man of many talents. He was a really good lumberjack and an expert plumber. Neither of which would do any good in a fight but at least he had a variety of choices to make a living. Due to training and years of experience, Ryan was versed in hand-to-hand combat. He was also trained in multiple types of weapons, computer systems, and explosives. Ryan was also an decent pilot.
Weapons and equipment
Ryan has access to a large amount of weapons and equipment that he's stockpiled after a period of time. Some of these are listed below.
One of Ryan's favorite weapons is a nigh-indestructible concavo-convex Vibranium-steel alloy shield that he once wielded when he operated as Captain America in another universe. The shield was cast by American metallurgist Dr. Myron MacLain, who was contracted by the U.S. government, from orders of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, to create an impenetrable substance to use for tanks during World War II. This alloy was created by accident and never duplicated, although efforts to reverse-engineer it resulted in the creation of adamantium.
Ryan often used his shield as an offensive throwing weapon. The vibranium in the shield granted it unusual properties, allowing it to absorb virtually all of the kinetic impact from any blows that the shield received without injuring Ryan in the process. The vibranium is also a factor in the way Ryan thrown his shield: he often used it to ricochet around a room and strike various opponents with little loss of velocity in its forward movement after each impact. The only way it can be damaged in any way is by tampering with its molecular bonding.
He also has a spare shield, made entirely out of Vibranium. This back-up shield is less durable compared to the original but still is quite valuable.
Ryan's primary mode of transportation across parallel universes was the humongous living (and sentient) interdimensional "shiftship" known as the Carrier. Powered by a caged baby universe, the Carrier had the capability of opening shift 'doors' to anywhere within the range of her reality anchor, and even across the Bleed. Originally it was a trade ship, designed to travel between parallel worlds but some unknown event occurred and it was abandoned. At the size of 50 miles long, 35 miles high and two miles wide, it had numerous cargo holds the size of large warehouses.
- In terms of theme, imagine this guy as the thematic opposite of Shinji.
- Ryan is also an OP. You know, those guys in the chatbox with the fancy red @ in front of their names. That means he's supposed to be mature and shit from time to time.
- Ryan's original hair color was dirty blonde before he started to dye it brown. In late 2011 he stopped dyeing it.
- There are maybe two other versions of Ryan wandering around this universe. The first one has a Green Lantern power ring and he's basically a more heroic version of this Ryan. The second one is the Kung-Fu Jesus Ryan with Force Powers action and lightsaber grip. He's also the ceiling cat of the chatbox. He's always knows when you've masturbated.
- Ryan is a part of a small group called Team Don't Give A Shit which includes Mango-chan and Yaijinden. They absolutely don't give a shit about your conflicts. It's the best team ever. Suck it, other teams.
- There are rumors that Ryan has some connection to the deity known as Ry-Yai-Rai the Infinite Blasphemer. He will neither confirm nor deny.
- Ryan also also fought the infamous Time Traveling Russian Bear numerous times, always coming out on top because he's an American from America while the Bear is a dirty communist. Remember, kids, dirty commies always lose in the end.
- Go check out Yaijinden's version of Ryan in a GRIMDARK universe at the GRIMDARK Suburban Senshi page!
Behind the scenes
Ryan originated from the #suburbansenshi2 chat, played by some lazy bastard. Originally taking the name after being extremely tired of the Shinji persona and in need of a new one, Ryan came about from Ryan Reynolds, the actor who played Deadpool in the horrible film X-Men: Origins - Wolverine and his future role as Hal Jordan in the film adaptation of Green Lantern. If you see Ryan, don't be surprised if he's not playing any characters and instead is hanging out and shooting the breeze because that's what he does.